A few of the very first things you will need to know.

There are many pseudo-dom(me)s out there who prey on new submissives, or "newbies" as they are often called. i offer a few words of advice to help prevent this from happening. All you need is to understand a little basic information and a use little common sense.

First of all, no one can order you about simply because you are a submissive. All that is really expected of you is courtesy, and a respect for the D/s lifestyle as you learn about it. If someone claiming to be a Dom(me) tries to command you or bully you, that person is a fraud!

Next, no Dom(me) should initiate an IM without asking your permission openly in the room first. This custom is meant to protect you from trollers and predators. Simply because someone asks to IM does not mean that you automatically have to accept the request. You are free to refuse any such request to IM. If someone does IM you improperly and you do not wish to speak with them, ask them not to. If they persist, tell them publicly in the room to stop. Be firm. No proper Dom(me) will force IMs on a submissive. However, be prepared, once you refuse such requests from some of the wannabes, they tend to become quite rude and call names. Rather than lower yourself to their level by arguing, your best defense is to simply use the ignore feature. If they continue with harassing IMs, first TOS the IM, and then use your privacy preferences to block them from IMing you further. Personally, i routinely block ALL IMs, and if i wish for someone to be allowed to speak with me privately, i will then "open" my IMs to them specifically.

Last, but certainly not least, do NOT accept any offers from someone wanting to be your Dom(me) until you've been around long enough to understand what's what. Unfortunately all too many newbies who take a Master within days of arriving usually regret it. A real Dom(me) will certainly understand. They will expect a submissive to take her/his time, to study and learn the D/s ways. Also, a real Dom(me) will not be offering to be your "Master" or "Mistress" within hours of meeting you. They will want to know you better first as well. A "Dom(me)" may offer to be your Mentor or Protector, to teach and to guide you. Don't accept any such offer rashly. Give it careful consideration and give yourself time to judge whether a you are dealing with a real Dom(me).

Your best source of information is your fellow submissives who have been around for a while. If a Dom(me) makes you an offer, don't be afraid to ask questions of the other submissives, find out what they know of this Dom(me). Many of the more seasoned submissives are familiar with many of the Dom(me)s and will tell you of their experiences in dealing with that person. That goes in both directions, they will certainly tell you if that Dom(me) is someone they respect, as well as if they know that person to be a player.

As a final note, don't be afraid to ask questions of others in the room regarding things that you would like information on. Most of us are always more than willing to help a newbie who has a genuine interest in learning about the lifestyle. If we do not know the answer to something you ask, chances are we will be able to at least point you in the right direction to help you find the proper resource materials. Just remember, D/s is a very individual thing. There are as many different opinions out there as there are people. Simply because someone else's opinion of something is not quite the same as yours, it doesn't make yours any less worthy. Simply because you may disagree with some aspect of a discussion, it does not make you wrong. Talk to the others, listen to their opinions. Do some research on your own. Then assimilate the information, and choose that which best works for you.

i wish you the best of luck on your journey into our world. Be safe and be well.